Parvati, You Ditz!
by The Hermione Granger Fan Club
Summary: Ever wondered what it's like to be Padma Patil? Great? Lousy? You decide!
1. Default Chapter

  
  
PARVATI, YOU DITZ!  
  
Hi there. Padma here. You've heard of me, right? Twin sister   
of ditsy Parvati. Being Parvati's sister is no joke! Wanna know why?   
Well, last week Dean Thomas asked me out. He thought I   
was Parv! I dunno why people are always mistaking me for Parvati, she   
never gets mistaken for me. And when you're the easygoing, 'good' twin   
this can lead to certain, um, complications.   
Dean walked up to me and said, "Hey there. Wanna go for   
Butterbeers next week?" I was suprised and a little flattered, so I   
said yes. He went, "Okay. See you then, Parvati."   
PARVATI?   
Well, I had to chase after him and tell him I wasn't her.   
He was so embarrassed! But I told him that I was sure Parv would love  
to go with him, but maybe he should ask her in Transfiguration or  
something, as Ravenclaws aren't in that class, so there was no way   
he could mix us up.   
Then, as I was on my way to Arithmanthy, Snape appears and   
says, "Miss Patil, you will serve your detention at six thirty tonight.   
Please be prompt."   
I was a bit weirded out, as I never get detentions. "But   
Professor," I said, confused. "What did I do?"   
"Don't act smart, Parvati. Just be there."   
PARVATI?   
I told him I wasn't her, but he didn't believe me. Then I spot   
Parv, moving off to Herbology with her friend Lavender. I dart after  
her, pull her over to Snape and say, "Tell him, Parv. Tell him   
I'm not you and YOU'RE the one who's got that detention tonight!"   
Parvati blinks a bit (she's always slow on the uptake) and   
laughs and says, "Parvati, you kidder! She's always joking around,   
aren't you, Parv? 'Scuse me, Professor, I've got to go to, er,   
Arithmanthy."   
PARVATI?   
I'm fuming. Stupid sister! I storm off after my Arithmanthy   
class. Damn her, I think. I wasn't about to serve her stupid detention just   
so she and Lavender could do each other's nails.   
I walked into lunch with my friends and Lavender comes over   
to me. "Parvati, how COULD you?" she shrieks, sobbing.   
PARVATI?  
I felt my face burning. "How could I what?" I ask.   
"Oh, like you don't know!" yells Lavender. "You tart, I KNOW  
you took my pink lipstick, don't deny it!"   
She sprinted away and everyone stared at me. Good Lord,   
I could've KILLED Parv at that moment! I stomped over to the Ravenclaw  
table. My best friend, Mandy Brocklehurst, said, "Hi, Padma." When I   
didn't answer straight away, she said suspiciously, "You ARE Padma,   
aren't you?"   
"Yes," I said between my teeth.   
So I decided to confront Parv. But remember, I'm s'posed to be   
the 'good' twin. I'm nice. I didn't want to embarrass her. I laid in   
wait in the girl's toilets and when she walked in to do her hair...   
"Padma!" she gasped, then she giggled. "Oh, you idiot,   
you scared me out of my skin."   
"That's probably all that will be left of you when I get   
through with you!" I raged. "What was that all about, Parv? I got   
yelled at by Lavender, asked out by Dean AND Snape gave me detention!"  
"Oh, silly," she smiled. "Don't be so dumb. One little   
detention won't kill you. Everyone needs a blot on their record."   
"BUT IT'S YOUR DAMN DETENTION, YOU EVIL LITTLE DITZ!" I   
spat. That cutesy act wasn't fooling me. "BESIDES, YOUR GIRLY BEST  
FRIEND SEEMS TO THINK YOU TOOK HER LIPSTICK, OR SOMETHING?"   
"Well, I only borrowed it!" she said defensively.   
"What about Dean, then?" I demanded.   
"He- wait a minute. He asked you out? BOYFRIEND STEALER!" she   
squealed. She swanned away, bawling.   
I looked hopelessly after her. You just can't win, not   
with Parvati. But hey, I thought, grinning suddenly. Who says I'VE   
always got to be the one in trouble?   
I began to plot what I'd say to Dean when I'd tell him to   
rack off and never ask me out again. Whoops, my mistake. I began   
plotting what 'Parvati' would say to Dean when she'd tell him to rack   
off and never ask HER out again...   
  
***   
  
A Note From The Author   
  
For all you dim people out there, Padma's going to give ol'   
Parvati a taste of her own medicine. If I get good reviews, I'll   
write a continuation. If you have a bad review, please try not to   
diss this fic too much. I am very sensetive and besides, I've only been  
a fanfic author for a couple of days. Check ya!*   
  
  
  
*My way of saying goodbye  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Padma, You Loser!

  
  
PADMA, YOU LOSER!   
  
Helloooo! I'm Parvati Patil, and I'm gorgeous! Seriously though,  
I'm fifteen, in Gryffindor and very popular. Life would be almost   
perfect if it wasn't for my sister. My twin sister, Padma. It's bad   
enough having to share my model looks with her, as well as my initials,   
but we're total opposites!   
  
Padma has a very scathing opinion of me. Just because I don't   
like to do anything much except my hair and my nails... honestly, you'd   
think that was a crime. I collect Teen Witch magazine, she collects   
Transfiguration Today. I riffled through it once, just to see why Padma's   
always raving on about it. Very boring, I must say. Far too many words  
and not enough pictures. So now you can see how very different we are.   
  
But enough about Padma. Who wants to talk about her? I don't.   
I'll tell you about my day. I had the funniest day. I walked into the   
Great Hall alone, because Lav (my best friend) had slept in slightly   
and was still in the dormitory doing her makeup. I sat down beside   
Dean Thomas. He's got a crush on me, you know. But he asked out Padma.   
PADMA! Imagine that. Dean and Padma. Still, me being the charming,   
lovable person that I am, I was ready to forgive him. I said, "Hi,   
Dean."   
  
But Dean looked at me nastily and said, "Oh yeah?" He turned   
away and continued talking to Ron Weasley. I was very hurt. I mean,   
I'M the one who's meant to give the cold shoulder, not Dean! I found a   
different place, next to Seamus. He's Dean's best friend, and has the   
most adorable Irish accent. Too bad he Lavender's boyfriend. Well, he   
won't admit it but he is, trust me.   
  
I said sweetly, "Hi, Seamus. How's things?" He didn't even   
look at me! It was the same with all the boys. Well, all the cute ones.   
I finally sat next to Hermione Granger. Hermione's all right. Just.   
That hair! Boys hate her. Well, Harry and Ron and Dean and Neville and   
Seamus and all the Weasleys don't but everyone else does.   
  
Hermione said, "Parvati, I'm suprised you can even come down   
to breakfast with, you know, circumstances."   
  
I told her I had no idea what she was talking about and she   
raised her eyebrows and said, "But, Parvati, don't you remember   
yesterday? Dean said hello to you and you told him that he was an   
egotistical little twerp and to rack off and not to ask you out   
ever again. You said it, no, YELLED it in front of all his friends."   
  
I was so shocked and numb. I never said that! Questions buzzed  
through my head and I picked the most prominent, "Ego-what?"   
  
Hermione giggled. "The same old Parvati, I see. Got to go,   
Eloise and I have to look something up in the library." She left.   
  
Lavender arrived and sat next to me. "Parvie, what did you DO?"   
she demanded. "The stupidest rumours... Ginny Weasley said you told   
Dean Thomas to rack off. What WERE you thinking of?"   
  
I was still shocked. "I... don't know." I said jerkily.   
  
"Oh well," smiled Lav. "Listen, thanks for the offer."   
  
"What offer?" I blurted.   
  
Lavvie's eyebrows raced skywards. "You said you would help me   
with my Transfiguration homework in return for borrowing my pink   
lippy without asking," she said in a hurt voice. "You SAID!"   
  
What was with everyone? "I never said any such thing!" I   
shrieked.   
  
"You certainly did." Lavender's voice was low and dangerous.   
"In the toilets, not two minutes ago. You came in and said. You SAID,   
Parv!"   
  
"I didn't!" I yelled. People were starting to stare.   
  
"If you're going to be such a !@#$% then you can eat breakfast   
alone, then!" Lavender screamed. She stalked off in a huff.   
  
The Gryffindors went down to Herbology. I stood next to Hermione  
and tried to make conversation, but I was wasting my time. She was   
talking to Ron and Harry about a chess game or something.   
  
I couldn't talk to Dean or Lavender. I hate fighting with Lav,   
but over something I didn't do!   
  
I thought about the morning. Twice, I had supposedly done   
things that I would never do in a million years. Then, as we were   
leaving for Care of Magical Creatures, Professor Sprout caught me by   
the arm and said, "Parvati, I'd just like to thank you for volunteering  
to re-pot Venomous Tentacula plants this weekend instead of going to   
Hogsmeade."   
  
"But I didn't!" I said, louder than I'd wanted.   
  
"Of course you did," said Sprout huffily. "This morning, in the  
Entrance Hall, remember?"   
  
"IT WASN'T ME, I DIDN'T!"   
  
Sprout looked suprised and said angrily. "It WAS you,   
Miss Patil! You showed me your name bracelet, remember? The one  
with your name in pink and purple beads. You were telling me that   
you'd gotten it fixed."   
  
I was seriously freaked out. I DID have a name bracelet like   
that once, but it broke in third year and I gave it to Padma. Padma   
has a name bracelet too, but it has black and gold beads.   
  
"Oh- right." I mumbled. I was defeated. I couldn't think of  
any more good arguments.   
  
At lunch, I couldn't face eating, so I hid in the girl's   
toilets. Padma came in, beaming. She'd obviously had a great morning.   
She saw me sitting forlornly on the sinks and said sweetly, "Anything   
the matter, sis?"   
  
I was about to tell her to get lost but I couldn't stand it   
any longer and blurted out the details of my day. She was suprisingly  
nice about it. She told me not to worry, and that she was sure I would   
make up with my friends. Then she put a comforting arm around my   
shoulder.   
  
"Thank you, Padm-" I said, then stopped dead. She was wearing   
a bracelet. A name bracelet. But it wasn't hers. It had pink and purple  
beads, spelling out the name... PARVATI.   
  
I gaped at it, then looked at her. Padma was grinning evilly.   
My mouth fell open, I was speechless. But not for long...   
  
"PADMA, YOU LOSER!" I roared. I tried to slap her, but she darted  
nimbly away, down the corridor, away from the toilets, laughing and   
laughing, my name bracelet glinting on her wrist. 


End file.
